Worst Movies of 2010

OK, folks. People are making lists. Best this and that of 2010. Worst this and that of 2010.

During 2010, I reviewed 191 movies opening theatrically in Malmö, Sweden. No, I didn’t write about all of them here on Xomba. I also wrote about more movies than these 191, and I watched even more on DVD and TV.

I guess you’re all wondering which movies I thought were the best ones of last year. Well, those movies were “Kick-Ass” and “Crazy Heart," of which the latter opened in the States already in 2009. I also really liked “The Ghost Writer," “Shutter Island," “Up in the Air” and, uh, “Piranha 3-D."

... But it’s more fun to list the worst movies I suffered through. Therefore, I listed the movies I’ve given the worst rating. Once again, these are movies that played in Malmö, Sweden. Since this is an international site, I removed the Swedish movies you’ll probably (and hopefully) never see. There were almost ten of them. I ended up with about thirteen movies. To make it a list of ten, I removed the European movies (“Camino” and “Hierro”) -- and “Marmaduke."

What remains truly is the worst of the worst. Here you go:

Furry Vengeance

Brendan Fraser. Brooke Shields. Talking animals. Did I really watch this one? Did I stay awake through-out it? Did it end with the cast and crew dancing?

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole

Who the hell OK:ed this project? A “Lord of the Rings” rip-off -- featuring … owls in the leads? Realistic looking owls? This animated movie in 3-D is absolutely gorgeous looking, it’s stunning, but it’s probably one of the most stupid, idiotic movies ever made. And it’s boring. And once again: It’s about owls! (And most of them are impossible to tell apart)

The Last Airbender

M. Night Shyamalan is by far the worst director working in mainstream movies today. Want proof? Watch this incompetent drivel, infamous for one scene in which one of the character’s hair looks like a giant penis. Come to think of it, this whole movie looks like one giant you-know-what. The conversion from 2-D to 3-D is awful.

Letters to Juliet

I actually like silly romantic comedies, but a man’s got to know his limitations. This awful piece of crap takes place in Italy, and not even the great Franco Nero, who shows up near the end, can save this.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

All of those new remakes of not-that-old horror movies are unnecessary. Most of them are pretty bad. Especially this one. Freddy Krueger, the man of your bad dreams, actually put me to sleep.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Some people actually liked this one. Mainly kids, I guess. Huh? Some people shouldn’t be allowed to watch movies. I like comics. I like video games. I like rock-‘n’-roll. This video game rock-‘n’-roll movie based on a comic book is more or less unwatchable. I wanted to leave after 10 minutes, but I couldn’t since I had to review it. When I thought it was almost over I glanced at my watch. It was 40 minutes into the movie. When it finally ended one hour later, I was in pain.

Sex & the City 2

Oh, my God. One of the most stupid, bigoted movies, aimed at adult audiences no less, I’ve ever seen. This movie, an exercise in racism and pedestrian plotting, gives the human kind a bad name.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

The silliness never ends in this third movie in the oh so popular romantic vampire series. I don’t know where to begin. This movie is a laugh riot and a sleeping pill. Unless you’re a fifteen-year-old girl who’s in love with living wallpapers Edward and Jacob. There also was a parody out called “Vampires Suck”, but the difference from the original was marginal.

Where The Wild Things Are

I hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this goddamn piece of death enema of a movie! Argh! I don’t know if I ever read the beloved children’s book as a kid, but the illustrations look familiar. But this movie … I wanted to kill this movie! It actually drove me insane. A pretentious, boring, idiotic, hateful arthouse movie! This is probably the most depressing “children’s movie” ever made. Still some (grown up) critics thought it was wonderful. Some critics ought to be sent where the wild things are...

Winx Club: The Secret of the Lost Kingdom

This turned out to be an animated movie from 2007 getting a belated theatrical release. I saw it along with about 50 8-year-old girls and their bored, snoring parents. I didn’t understand anything at all. I felt like I was on LSD. I think it was about a gang of hot chicks who were some kind of superhero witches.